Burt Gummer vs Zombieland
by VizeerLord
Summary: the life and trials of Burt Gummer continue...into the wasteland
1. Chapter 1

Burt Gummer Vs Zombieland

isdh

The ground shook as the heavy reseal truck rumbled into town.

Blanco surfaced and grumbled, waving at the humans that waved at it. Oh, it would still try to eat them if they were caught out in the open, but its current action often got it an extra rabbit or chicken when they were feeding it. Lately the human type food has been a bit off, but Blanco was willing to put up with funny tasting food if it filled them up.

These last six months, as the humans count time, Blanco has 'swam' about the 'gate' of the canyon, picking off the humans that shuffled into the valley.

The Heavy truck that Blanco knew as 'Cruncher' rumbled into the canyon, meaning that with in a few days, some slow moving, funny tasting meat would be shuffling in. Cruncher had put new posts into the ground that screamed as the shamblers walk by, he had already gorged three times thanks to those noisy things.

Blanco swam back into the lose soil. He had his rounds to check, it thought it heard/felt a screaming to the west...

* * *

Bert popped the clutch, and downshifted as he pulled around the last turn into the Canyon. The kid riding shotgun waved and yelled out the open window at the white worm-beast that guarded the last free home. Bert grinned. It was good to be home. He had to go out three days to get supplies this time. Granted, his truck was full. But it was getting hard to worry about fuel for his rig. He was running low on basic diesel. Unless he found a new source, he would have to switch to methane when he finished this latest stock pile.

Once he was in the Canyon, the sensor net he had put up showed him the ups and downs of his great 'duchy'. He now owned the the whole canyon, either through writen deed or eminent domain. He kept the People of his small village safe, either through his teachings of 'survival training' or through force of arms. The town itself was a walled outpost second only to his home. The half mile outside the walls were cleared flats that Blanco could patrol, if the undead ever got past the natural defenses of the canyon.

It was posted, every half mile, in a massive grid, warning signs saying that there was a Subterranean Man eating worm patrolling the canyon. 'Best to find a massive rock out cropping, and a human Patrol will find you.'

Still every group of refuges that stumbled in, lost a member, because who, in their right mind, would believe such things as a twelve foot, white, man eating worm-beast.

At the mile marker, Bert pulled on the air horn cord. As he stepped down on the gas. With Blanco behind him, there was no second line of defense between him and the gate, and his people were expecting him home...

the way was clear, and as the gate came into view, it started to swing open. As he rumbled in at full speed, breaking the minute he was past the gatepost, the gates were already closing. They clanged shut as his engine rumble to a stop, before coughing and dieing.

The hard eyed Chinese female stood on the porch, fists on her hips. "You Late. Where you been!"

"Missed you too Jodi." Burt said as he climbed out of the cab, his drum-extended shotgun in hand. The matched .45 desert eagles riding low on his hips. Looking at him, one, unknowing of the trails and life of Burt Gummer, would think him just some gun nut survivalist. To those who knew him, knew that he had run laps with varying number of guns and reloads, to find the best number both to carry, and not be over loaded. He also had thirteen known 'gun and ammo' caches spread out over the canyon. Never again was he going to be caught in his lands without a gun or ammo.

She leaned off the porch and kissed his check. He wrapped his empty arm around her slim waist in a friendly hug. "It's good to be home. See to the cargo lov, I am going to get a beer." he stepped passed her into the cooled room, accepting the glass of beer from Larry as he stepped lively to help his wife unload the truck, as she would not let anyone else move her Cargo. Burt dropped into his chair, a driftwood rocker sent from a beach town before the world went to hell. His back was to the corner, facing the door, the counter, and the Blanco-Duce; sensor network monitor.

Nodding at Tyler, "So, any 'fresh blood's show up while I was out?"

Tyler spun one of the mismatched kitchen style chairs about so he could straddle it, dropped heavily into it, and reset his hat. "No, it has been quite this week. A few of the kids are thinking of running out to the south twenty(miles) dropping the rest of the grid posts. Been telling them that they needed to wait until you returned first. And we will talk about. There is a reason that area is not finished. But you know kids. Tell them to wait, and they get ready to sneak off."

His eye on the monitor, "Blanco is swimming near the roadway in, was awaiting me when I came in. The kid was yelling at it and waving, like it was the family dog. The beast waved back, I swear."

"Yeah, the kids say that it does that often. It seams to be doing it to get a little extra food thrown to it. Normally an extra chicken or rabbit." a sip from his own beer. "How far did you have to go this time?"

"Three days out, no sign of anyone, the main stores were heavily looted, but there was enough to make another three runs before we will have picked the place clean." Burt frowned into his beer, " Give me two weeks, and I will take two trucks out, with trailers and a full two teams. Pick that little town three days to the north of here clean, would offer to take Jodi, but she would rather die then leave her store."

Tyler snorted into his beer. "Larry it is. Six of the kids as grunts, the two weeks will give you time to put them through their paces. A pair of Lookout/snipers, and a cook."

"Not you?" Burt looked his second in command.

Tyler shook his head. "This is your month. I get to go next month, and you have to stay and deal with all the 'council' business." He grinned, "The full month."

Burt grimaced, he hated council meeting, and next month was the start of new business. Hey, on the bright side, something might raise up try to eat everyone first...

AN: now that the idea is out there, up for adpotion...


	2. Chapter 2

Burt Gummer Vs Zombieland

ch 1

the beginning

isdh

Eight Months Earlier...

It was a good day in Perfection Valley; Jodi had finially married Larry. El Blanco was happily swimming about the outer markers, picking off the last of the mutant man-eating rabbits. The land grant management had finialy come through with Burt's writen request to purchess the unwanted Land that that slime-slug, Melvin Plugg was trying to 'unload'. What Burt had not been able to buy out right, he seized under eminent domain.

With Jodi's help, He set up a Barracks style Bunker at the edge of town for his 'survivalist' training school. Sometimes, his weekly roster was greater then the 'Graboid Sufari' that Tyler ran. Infact, this week he was looking at a two to one sign up, and a three week waiting list.

There were few days it was great to be Burt Gummer, Survivalist Supreme. And today was looking like it was going to be one of the best.

Granted most of his 'weekend warriors' were overpaid suits that were doing this more to round out a resume for a Fortune 500 company then anything else, But then they paid the $250 for the basic course and $500 for the full week course. The Basic was just Friday night to Sunday night, then they were allowed to eat at the Dinner, sleep in the Motel and leave Monday morning. The Full Week course was Friday night, through to the following Thursday night.

Burt did not enjoy the Week course, so he required a minumum of five students for the basic course, and twelve for the Full Week. The Basic bought you roughing it half a mile from town, the Week included; hunting with just a knife and your wits, Target practice, and 'basics of ammo'.

This was a Week Course with thirty people showing up. A Japanese business man saw the news bites on the 'graboid invasion' a few years back, and thought that a week long 'camp' would build a better team inter personal relationship.

He got to go 'Boot camp' on a bunch of Suits. Burt grinned.

It was a good day to be Burt Gummer

* * *

The 'virus' hit Bixbee in the early hours of the morning, a wandering, train hopping, 'hobo' bit the mailman, and the race was on... within hours the Police and City Officials were infected, by Nightfall, the whole town was dead... or running.

Most of the Runners were heading towards Perfection.

* * *

Burt was looking over the thirty Japanese suits. They had arrived two hours earlier and had swarmed the Store and tourist pits that Jodi and Larry ran. Cameras clicking, bulbs flashing, their high voices raised in their birdsong of a language. He stood with his thumbs looped through his belt, his twin colts, glinting in the morning sun. At first the tourists thought he was a something like a maniquine made to look like the real Burt Gummer.

Until Jodi brought him a cold Coke. It was one of those new Coke Zeros, that Jodi had just doubled her price, and Labled as Bert's Favorite. Before he could say anything, she whispered, "Shut up and drink it. This one is on the house." When everyone of the Tourists saw that it was the real Burt, and he was drinking the Coke Zero...they rushed to buy a few themselves.

Burt just shook his head and sipped his Coke.

Just then the 'Blanco Scope' sounded. Turning his head to peer at the monitor, Burt saw that the big 'worm' was heading towards the town. It looked to be herding something. Looking over at Tyler, "You up to running out to see what has gotten him so riled up."

Tyler looked at Jodi and Larry as they were working over time trying to meet the demands of their clientale. The two were shouting in a pidgewin of japanese, english, and hand-signs to get to across the ideas they had. The Tourists were shouting and waving back.

"Yeah, you got an hour before they are ready, and my next two tours are light, I will just double stuff them and leave them to Jodi's mercy." Tyler grabbed his cowboy hat and jumped onto Burt's Starboard runner as Burt swung up into his Cab.

* * *

Twenty Minutes later the Truck crested the rise to see a group of Hikers on the tall pile of rocks. A group of dirty straglers waved their arms at those on the rock, as El Blanco grabbed them one at a time. Opening his door, but stepping out, Burt peered down at the group with his 'field glasses'. Turning his head to look at Tyler, who was mirrored of him. The gentle wind brought the sound of grunting and growling, but not screens, as the two ton worm ate the funny looking people.

As Blanco ate the last one, Burt pulled up to shouting range. "Ahoy there!"

"thank god!" a woman cried back. "Have you been bit?"

Burt looked at the Blanco meter, noticing that the worm was away from them and town. The worm knew the sound of the trucks, and took an interest in what they were doing, but if Burt were to join a group of his 'prey', the worm moved on. Burt might not let 'him' gorge 'himself' but there was always a goat or something for him to eat he gave over quickly.

Besides there were more funny movments this way...

"What do you mean bit?" Tylar asked.

"the Zombies." a goth teen yelled back, pointing to where the 'people' that Blanco had just ate had been standing.


End file.
